the times, they are a changin'

So, many things are afoot in the Lemony Lemonade household and perhaps the most earth shaking is that I am now bona fide employed by a bona fide employer which means that my lazy days of midday martinis, massages and crapacious television are soon to be at an end. Not surprisingly, I feel terribly conflicted about my return to work. On the one hand, these past few months with Baby Girl have been both joyful and exhausting but bottom line, I HAVE BEEN THERE and now, I won't. That being said, I am luckier than most having had the first year of her life off and now, the past six or so months. I am grateful. The guilt mainly comes from actually wanting to go back to work, to being needed not just to wipe dirty faces, chauffeur between playdates, purchase pink, sparkly, princess toys and cut sandwiches into fun shapes.

What makes me the saddest is realising that I am going to miss those beautiful little seemingly insignificant moments like when Baby Girl spontaneously breaks into song and does a big broadway finish complete with closed eyes and upstretched arms, or the funny little observations she makes like yesterday when she said she said she didn't like the sound of glasses clinking on the table because the sound was "too glassy", or the fact that she is obsessed with nipples. Even sadder though is the realisation that I'm not the most interesting and captivating person in her world and that me going back to work may rock my world more than hers. Now, she is far more interested in playing with friends or doing things on her own. Where she used to want my company whilst going potty, she now pushes me out the door and insists that I give her "privacy" and just today as I hugged her, admittedly for the thirtieth time, she told me to "stop squishing" her.

Forty days and counting; I am determined to make them count.